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I’ve Tried Therapy Before but Still Feel Stuck - What Next?

Schema Therapy + EMDR

Healing patterns at their roots, not just managing symptoms

Many people come to therapy feeling frustrated because they’ve understood their problems - yet still find themselves reacting in the same ways emotionally. If this resonates, Schema Therapy combined with EMDR may offer a different path forward.

The Reframe

Diagnoses help describe what you’re experiencing. Schema Therapy helps explain why these patterns formed - and why they keep repeating.

Your patterns are not flaws or failures. They are adaptations your nervous system developed when important emotional needs were not consistently met (Young, Klosko, & Weishaar, 2003).

From a Schema Therapy perspective, many long-standing difficulties are not about having “one disorder,” but about enduring patterns shaped by early experience.

How Patterns Form

Schema Therapy understands emotional difficulties as developing over time through a predictable pathway:

Unmet Core Needs → Schemas → Modes

Unmet Core Emotional Needs

Such as:

• Safety and protection

• Emotional connection and being understood

• Acceptance and belonging

Schemas (Deep Emotional Beliefs)

Schemas are deeply held emotional beliefs about yourself, others, and the world. They are not conscious thoughts - they are felt truths that shape how you interpret situations and relationships.

Examples include:

• “I’m unlovable.”

• “I don’t matter.”

• “People will leave or reject me.”

Because schemas are stored in emotional memory, they don’t feel like opinions - they feel like facts.

Modes (Emotional States or “Parts”)

Modes are different emotional states or “parts” of you that get activated when a schema is triggered. They tend to follow a predictable sequence:

• Vulnerable Child - feels hurt, scared, ashamed, lonely, or rejected

• Protector Modes - attempt to prevent further pain by overcompensating, withdrawing, attacking, pleasing, or staying in control

• Inner Critic - steps in with harsh, shaming, or punitive messages

Everyday example: A schema of “I’m unlovable” is triggered when a friend doesn’t reply to a message. The Vulnerable Child feels rejected and panicked. A Protector mode overcompensates by sending an angry or demanding text to regain control. The friend pulls back or avoids the interaction. The Inner Critic then attacks: “See? You always ruin things. You’re too much.”

What this teaches the nervous system: The original schema feels confirmed - “I really am unlovable” - even though the reaction was driven by protection, not truth.

This is how patterns become self-reinforcing, and why insight alone often isn’t enough to break them.

Why This Keeps the Pattern Going

Because the Vulnerable Child’s need for reassurance, safety, or connection is never directly met, the original schema (for example, “I’m unlovable” or “I’ll be rejected”) remains unhealed.

The Protector steps in by overcompensating or lashing out in an attempt to regain control. This often pushes others away - not because the schema is true, but because the behaviour is driven by fear rather than connection.

When the other person withdraws, the Inner Critic attacks with shame and self-blame - and the nervous system takes this as “proof” that the schema was right all along.

Because the system never experiences calm connection in the present, it never learns that the past is over - and the same pattern repeats.

Why “Think Positive” or Logic Alone Often Doesn’t Work

Schemas are stored in emotional memory, not just thoughts. When they’re activated, the nervous system responds as if the past is happening again.

This is why:

• Insight doesn’t always lead to change

• Reassurance doesn’t settle the reaction

• You may know something logically, yet still feel overwhelmed

As trauma research shows, the body responds before the thinking brain can intervene (van der Kolk, 2014).

How Schema Therapy + EMDR Helps

Schema Therapy

• Maps your patterns with compassion rather than judgement

• Identifies schemas, modes, and coping strategies

• Strengthens the Healthy Adult part of you — the part that can notice, reflect, and respond rather than react

EMDR

• Targets the memories and emotional learning that shaped these patterns

• Helps the nervous system update old beliefs and threat responses

• Reduces the emotional charge that keeps patterns repeating

Together, this approach works at both the psychological and nervous system level (Shapiro, 2018).

What Therapy Typically Looks Like

• Stability & Safety first: building awareness and stabilisation without pressure

• Understanding the roots: mapping schemas and modes together

• EMDR reprocessing: updating old emotional learning at a tolerable pace

• Strengthening the Healthy Adult: developing new emotional and behavioural choices

You remain in control throughout the process. Therapy is paced, collaborative, and responsive to you.

The Bottom Line

You are not broken. You adapted to what you were given.

Schema Therapy and EMDR help your nervous system learn that the present is safer than the past - so you can respond to life with more choice, calm, and self-compassion.

References

Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. Guilford Press.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.

Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

If you’ve tried therapy before and still feel stuck, this approach may help explain why — and offer a way forward.

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is different from traditional talk therapy approaches like CBT and ACT. In EMDR, you don't have to reveal every detail of your painful experience like you would in talk therapy and the bulk of EMDR therapy work is done in session. This makes EMDR particularly useful for people who have difficulty talking about their trauma.

EMDR therapy was founded by Francine Shapiro in the late 80s and has since emerged as a key intervention in treating trauma, which is now recognised by the Australian Psychological Society (APS) as a Level 1, top tier, evidence-based psychological intervention for PTSD in Adults, and Level 2 for children. Extensive international research also reveals that EMDR therapy’s effectiveness extends- far beyond addressing trauma, as it has been found that it can heal developmental wounds that underlie a wide-range of psychological and behavioural issues. For example, EMDR has been shown to be effective for addressing issues like anxiety, phobias, panic, social anxiety, OCD, depression, chronic pain, grief & loss, addictions, and even performance enhancement. EMDR Therapy is also beneficial in addressing non-diagnostic issues, such as attachment-based/childhood wounds, shame and perfectionism.

The main idea underpinning EMDR, is that when we experience an intense negative event that is too overwhelming for our minds to make sense of, this information is thought to form a ‘stuck’, unprocessed, or Dysfunctional Memory Network - and so EMDR is thought to help by processing memories in a way that discards unhelpful or harmful information about an event (e.g. negative and inaccurate beliefs about yourself), while keeping more balanced and adaptive information that has arisen during the process.

EMDR helps your mind and body to process your past trauma and get over ‘stuck’ memories, so they no longer show up as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, and depression. EMDR taps into the brain’s natural ability to heal and helps it file away memory appropriately so that when a previously overwhelming memory is recalled, there is no longer any distress associated with the memory.In addition to decreasing the distress associated with trauma and other mental health issues, EMDR can also help a person to gain confidence in their ability to perform a task or reach a goal. EMDR works to achieve this by installing positive beliefs, and by having the person imagine doing the thing they are nervous to do/or want to improve in, while undergoing bilateral stimulation (I'll explain this more soon). This has the effect of simultaneously decreasing the fear, anxiety, or stress associated with the task, and boosting confidence. It seems that EMDR helps the brain to think in a healthier, more adaptive way by removing blocks (such as negative self-limiting beliefs) and helps the person to tap into his or her strengths and potential.

What is Bilateral stimulation (BLS)

BLS is a unique aspect of EMDR Therapy. This is believed to relate to how the brain processes memories while we are asleep. One of the most important stages of sleep is called ‘rapid eye movement’ (or REM). REM sleep is where we process and consolidate learning and memories from the previous day. As an example of what REM does- have you ever woken up after a good sleep and realised that your dream actually gave you the answer/or shed light on a problem you've been dealing with? Yep- that's the power of REM- solving your latest dramas while you sleep.

 A key component of REM sleep is bi-lateral eye movements (when our eyes flicker rapidly from left-to-right). EMDR Therapy utilises this process by mimicking the eye-movements of REM sleep to stimulate the brain’s natural way of healing and processing memories. EMDR does this by using sounds, lights, movement, and vibrations to stimulate both sides of the brain, using a technique called bilateral stimulation (BLS).

EMDR Therapy identifies a stuck memory and brings the information into the persons' present awareness, while pairing it with the bilateral eye movements observed in REM sleep. This in turn allows the brain to process the memory, resulting in the resolution of distress- associated with the memory, and a sense of freedom from related emotional, psychological and behavioural issues holding people back.

Does EMDR Therapy Work Online?

There is strong evidence supporting the effectiveness of EMDR Therapy delivered online, with research reporting that online EMDR therapy can be just as effective as in person sessions. Prior to commencing online EMDR therapy, your psychologist will work with you to make sure that you are emotionally ready to engage in trauma processing work, and that you have some self-care and emotional regulation tools to manage any distress that may arise.

Recommendations include:

1.            Ensuring a reliable and stable internet connection, the use of a hands-free device with a suitable/large screen to facilitate the required left-to-right eye movements for BLS.

2.            It’s also key to have a quiet, private uninterrupted space for memory processing sessions, free from potential disruptions such as people, pets, or device notifications. 

3.            Also ensure that a phone next to you during the session so that your psychologist can easily contact you if there are technological issues.

4.            Having tissues, water, and other comfort items close by can also help

RESILIENT ROOTS: EMDR Group for Parenting Stress in Second - Generation Refugees & Immigrants - Part 1 of 2 .

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DATES:

TBC

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LOCATION: TBC

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REGISTER YOUR INTEREST - via our Enquiry Form below

(booklet available upon request).

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Part 1. Resilient Roots: "Foundations" course - lays the groundwork for common experiences and an understanding of the hidden stress of growing up as second-generation refugee or immigrant and how this may impact on your parenting and everyday life. It also provides a foundation into EMDR Group Therapy.

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Part 2: "Going Deeper" course - continues the memory processing work, clears away "stuck" emotions and builds upon the skills learned in Part 1.

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BENEFITS:

- Find healing in the context of a supportive and safe group community with likeminded people.

- Improve/eliminate symptoms of stress, anxiety, PTSD, and mental unwellness, and embrace the parent you long to be.

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* Subsidised by Medicare

* $100 Out of Pocket Cost per 2-hr group session - with a MHCP from your GP ($166 without a MHCP). 

* Group size: 4 - 8

* Facilitated by Malika Ferry and Jane Bensen.

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A standard psychology session with Malika is 50 minutes in duration, with a fee of $250 per appointment.

Malika’s fees are set below the current APS recommended rate for Clinical Psychologists ($318 / 50min), reflecting her commitment to accessible, high-quality care while maintaining a sustainable practice.

Initial Appointments

• 60-minute initial psychology consultation (in-office): $260

• 90-minute initial psychology consultation: $340

After-Hours- Appointments scheduled from 5:00pm onwards are considered after-hours and attract a $20 surcharge.

Medicare Rebates

• ​With a valid Mental Health Treatment Plan (MHTP) GP referral letter, Medicare provides a rebate of $145.25 per session when you see a Clinical Psychologist.

• Medicare rebates are processed after full payment of the session fee.

Payment Terms and Methods

***Direct Bank Transfer Payment is required prior to your appointment to avoid delays. Payment may be made at the beginning of your session or at any time beforehand.

***Halaxy (Credit/Debit Card)Secure online card payment via Halaxy is available as a backup option if you are unable to complete a bank transfer.

All sessions must be paid via direct bank transfer before commencement. This process supports consistency and streamlines administrative management.

There is strong evidence supporting the effectiveness of EMDR Therapy delivered online, with research reporting that online EMDR therapy can be just as effective as in person sessions. Prior to commencing online EMDR therapy, your psychologist will work with you to make sure that you are emotionally ready to engage in trauma processing work, and that you have some self-care and emotional regulation tools to manage any distress that may arise.

Recommendations include:

1.       Ensuring a reliable and stable internet connection, the use of a hands-free device with a suitable/large screen to facilitate the required left-to-right eye movements for BLS.

2.       It’s also key to have a quiet, private uninterrupted space for memory processing sessions, free from potential disruptions such as people, pets, or device notifications.  

3.       Also ensure that a phone next to you during the session so that your psychologist can easily contact you if there are technological issues.

4.       Having tissues, water, and other comfort items close by can also help.